Saturday, December 31, 2005

 

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club


This time we give you two, from the vast collection of Sea Monkey:

the dance
On The Loose





Friday, December 30, 2005

 

You're not alone, Debbie Brown

Gnar
Ffffffffffttt. Ffffffftttttt. That is the sound a fanged tapeworm makes. This is the disguise of the tapeworm who comes to bite and deplete your gut. Fffffffftttt. Ffffffffftttttt. It is yellow inside. Going crazy, harming things. Tomorrow I come home. Tonight we had a party at my parents'. I guess it was ok. Lots of food. Only 2 Republicans. Could have been way worse. The food was good. Nothing canned. It is lucky. But. Still. I ache to come home. See you soon.
-Mountain Man

I loved this so much I had to cold steal it right off of Artistic Thoughts.
Now I have to go apologise to Mountain Man for the thievery...but the universality of this metaphor cannot be denied, it is my truth, your truth, reflected back to us so beautifully. Now we are real.




Elsewhere in today's news: Team Shredder is winding down it's Parasite Purge. It's really more of a Parasite Shred, if you will, though that is neither here nor there.

"I feel cold and alone."

The important thing is that we only have a few more days to go of this business before we move on to other pursuits, such as the Team Kidney Cleanse, followed by the biggie, the Team Liver Cleanse. Whew, that one's really gonna hit home, I think. But before all that can happen, I feel we'll each need to maximize our digestive/elimination efficiency by first doing the master colon cleanser. The Capt'n here has been trying to get her mind around this one for some time now. It's a bit effortful, and who wants to deal with anything hard? But I know I need it, and I know the Team needs it. We got lots of special needs and problems up in here.




Thursday, December 29, 2005

 

"Bored" games


Girl, Team Shredder is getting grum-py. We haven't been surfing, not because we suck or anything, though that doesn't help, but mostly it's because these swells that are coming in every other day are just too much for us. You know what I'm "spraying?" It's like we've been "foiled" by mother nature, and we can't fool her, it's not nice! Fool here tried to go out and fool her yesterday, nonetheless, thinking this was my one chance in YET ANOTHER week, yesterday being a slight lull in consecutive swells and it only getting to a few feet overhead, as opposed to the usual double, triple, and occaisional quadruple-overhead as of late. But even though it was what I considered a "lull," it still turned out to be a mess once I got out there. Good one, Capt'n. I didn't grow up in Hawaii, what do I know about this shit? It always looks easier from the parking lot. But then it suddenly got all windy and choppy and ripped up like in a washing machine, so I basically paddled against the current for an hour, yeah good times, missed a bunch of waves, got smacked around like an ant in a flushing toilet, and rode in on the sad bumpy whitewater. Champion!
Thus you can only imagine my delight, dear reader, when Sea Monkey showed up last night at the Capt'n's quaters with Foil the board game in hand. Foil, a challenging game of words and wits. What's she trying to tell me? Anyway, now I have something to do with my life, since being a surfer, not to mention an artist, seems too hard right now. Juice boxes for everyone.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

 

Same backlash, different day

Gree C. Hair has recently brought to my attention the disturbing, ongoing motif of Woman-as-Furniture (as opposed to, say, Woman-as-Landscape.)

2005


1969

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

 

And...scene!

Ok, got that over with & it wasn't so bad. Sadly, not everybody can say that. My two friends, "The A's," are having an unspeakably harsh toke right now. Ali has started a blog as a way to externalize the bitter tears of Ali Liebegott, and being the excellent brutal realist writer that she is, I feel this will be an extremely helpful forum. Better out than in, I say.
Team Shredder is sending out lots of loving thoughts and energy to Anna Joy and Ali, for the long haul.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

 
Mr. and Mrs. The Capt'n are going up to the East Bay to visit the family of Mrs. The Capt'n for 2 days. Sea Monkey is holding down the fort. Just remember: Dec. 21st was the shortest, darkest day of the year, so it's all uphill from here!
See you soon-


HAPPY HOLIDAYS
YYTEAM SHREDDER

 

Capt'n's Log

Subject: The terrible paradox

Tough times for Team Shredder. The concept of massive swells coming in back to back is exciting, but the reality for beginners like us is harsh.

Having no interest in drowning, surfing for Team Shredder has of late been reduced to a spectator sport.














As Capt'n I must fulfill my duty to boost Team morale, and thusly will report to the galley imediately upon completion of Capt'n's Log to prepare tofurky dinner for the Team.

Our lil' Team:

first row: Sheldon
second row, l to r: The Capt'n, Mrs. The Capt'n, Sea Monkey
not pictured: Cherry and Buddy Otis

Friday, December 23, 2005

 

Feelin' the feelin's


Thursday, December 22, 2005

 

Big Whup

yeah they're big.....










I got your "big" right here







OK I think somebody needs to go outside and get some vitamin D synthesis

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

BIG WEDNESDAY!


WHOA, HOLY CRAP!










Must I admit my limitations as a beginner? Double maybe TRIPLE overhead today! Not sure if I can get in the water...not sure if I can afford to break any bones, or my board. But I GOTTA at least go look. Maybe there'll be a smaller section...


Anyway, here's the A#1 hero of Team Shredder:

Rell Sunn











Rell Sunn forever

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

 

Monday, December 19, 2005

 

Whoa! + Just Because



OK, I know it's only Monday, but things have already been getting crazier up in here with the waves and whatnot. And on Wednesday they are predicting much greater madness, possibly sets 15 to 20 feet! Though by the time the swell gets here it may simmer down somewhat. Still, Team Shredder will probably just have to watch from the parking lot. We crazy, but we ain't that crazy yet.







And plus, here are some cute pictures of Aurelia, Dominique Zeltzman's new daughter, just because.


Sunday, December 18, 2005

 

"Pleistocene re-wilding?"


Bringing back camels, elephants, cheetas and plus to America in hopes of restoring some balance to the ecosystem? I say yes, this is worth considering. Even if it means an awkward initial adjustment period of Libertarians grabbing their guns to defend the border or some shit. While I don't love this editorial, I'm intrigued by the idea.

Thanks to Lizzie Bonaventura for the tip.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

 

LA


Team Shredder is going on a little trip to LA today, to celebrate Ron Athey's birthday and vibrant health, hang with our pal Brenna Williams (the artist formerly known as Rage,) and sit our asses in the healing waters of Olympic Spa. We are sparkly stars.
Nicknames for today:
Dick Blue=Slitty and Baggy
The Capt'n=Zitty and Saggy
Sea Monkey=Witty and Faggy
Sheldon le chat=Kitty and Shaggy

Friday, December 16, 2005

 

Debbie's Parasite Purge: 2 weeks down, 2 to go






----Are you my mommy?






Our fearless heroine Debbie Brown is out there gettin' it done. She is our Muse, our guiding light, our grand metaphor, and she is not alone. All of us here at Team Shredder are in fact doing the parasite purge together, including Sheldon le chat. And I have to say that it's Debbie who is truly the eye of the tiger.

Sure, others have done the purge...













"Yeah, and then she sounded like shit." -Dick Blew

The point being that the purge might othewise feel like a scary, risky cliff dive into the abyss of the unknown, without the experience and calm groundedness that Debbie Brown is famous for.
Please refer to "Debbie's Barium Swallow" in The New Fuck You for further data.


Thursday, December 15, 2005

 

Free to be you and me


If you're into stopping the new, worse Patriot Act, please go here.
We'll get through these dark days, chil'ren.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

 

The Dyke Word


Can Lois Lane talk some sense into Jenny?



Recent reports indicate that Margot Kidder, best known for her role as Lois Lane in the Superman movie, will be playing the role of Jenny's mother, Sandy Ziskin. Whoa.

How happy are we about this?!

But even more exciting is the fact that our old pal Daniela will be on the show this season starring as Moira. Believe that!

Whoa

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

 

Self-Haters take note

Gree C. Hair has recently brought it to my attention that Nico was a notorious anti-Semite.
Now, I know that I live in a sunny little seaside cave of partial oblivion, but dang already with the revelations of secret society haters clubs. And by this I mean that when I moved to San Diego, I started meeting for the first time (that I was aware of) these "groovy Republicans." Southern California types who are nice, friendly, maybe even socially pretty liberal (to an extent,) but then I'm shocked to find out they habitually vote for some fascist dingbat or another because "they were just raised that way," or deep down they have some irrational phobia of living so close to the border, or they consider themselves "fiscal conservatives," and think they'll save on taxes this way, or perhaps they support gay marriage and they were sad for 2 weeks about New Orleans, yet they can't stand to see their taxes spent on helping poor people here but are ok with spending 1,000 times more to kill innocent Iraqi's, or maybe they don't like Bush and the war so much but they LOVED Reagan and they miss him so much, boy those were the days, and you know Lincoln was a Republican (this one's my favorite) and look what he did for the slaves. You know, back when the 2 parties were kind of reversed, but don't tell groovy republicans that, it'll burst their bubble.
Don't get me started, Nico!
Don't remind me that I, too, am a hater! Though more than hating the hater, I hate the hate, since I see it's in me, too, as a human. I find it simultaneously comforting and threatening to read about the Buddhists who go on those meditation retreats to places like Auschwicz and meditate on the fact that that kind of thing is in all of us, that to varying degrees everybody is both potential victim AND perpetrator. Actually, no, I don't find it simultaneously comforting and threatening, I find it to be a tremendous relief, because it disrupts my unconscious master narrative of feeling separate from and better than other people, and it helps me to start to understand, and what's more fucking healing than that?
Peace.

Monday, December 12, 2005

 

Dear Diarhea,







Waking up is hard to do. Or at least this early it is! But I don't care, it was sooo worth it, because yesterday afternoon the waves were fuckin' great, (finally, dag!) and I think this morning they could even be better. This swell is west north west, somethin' somethin', I'm trying to learn, but all I know is it was going off in an excellent way, big and beautiful, but longer than anybody's business and peaking way the hell outside and all over the place, so even though there were of course 300 Sunday surfers out there all wanting to experience the terrible beauty, it was so spread out that there was room for everybody, so I didn't have to fight the 20-year-old junior choads for every good wave. I better start calling Sea Monkey now. It's gonna take a massive effort to get her up and out the door, possibly hours. Which might be ok since I read on the geek report that there was a "radical" high tide this morning, like 6 feet or something, so with all that water moving in it could put a damper on the wave size till mid-morning anyway. There was a time not too long ago when we were terrified of anything over 2 or 3 feet, but now we're junkies who want more! At least if they're the right friendly shape. OOH I'm ALL ESSITED!!!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

 

Sea Monkey's research ALWAYS pays off


HAIR of the ALIEN - the DNA paradigm



















HAIR of the ALIEN - the "NORDIC" lady and the strange hair root DNA sequence.










Image - copyright APEG/P.Khoury



The Cap'n wishes to personally thank Sea monkey for this.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

 

What do the I FEEL / I NEED blocks tell us about us today?



Friday, December 09, 2005

 

Thursday, December 08, 2005

 

Thanks, Lamby

Last night we had a sweet little dinner party and Lamby created an excellent gourmet situation in our postage stamp-sized kitchen.
We salute you, Lamby!










Wednesday, December 07, 2005

 

Update: Debbie's Parasite Purge, Day 5


We here at Team Shredder thought it was time to check in on our brave herione, Debbie Brown, who is on Day 5 of her Intestinal Detoxification Program. (See previous Team Shredder post.)
Our "host" (in more ways than one) is fighting the good fight. Ms. Brown was tired of feeling out of sorts, run down, and not at the top of her game. Fatigued, Fat, and Forgetful, she finally said, "I'm tired of dookey. Ain't no dookey on the astral plane. Boy, 2012 is gonna be such a relief! The Mayan calendar predicts..." and the rest was unintelligible. She then broke into song:

Ain't no dookey on the astral plane
Ain't no dookey on the astral plane
No more parasites eating at my brain
Ain't no dookey on the astral plane

Top experts in the field of internal cleansing have all noted that several days into a cleanse, a patient may temporarily experience feelings of dementia, nausea, and fatigue, or a sense that "they got up on the wrong side of the bed." This is a sure sign of the presence of many parasites, they say, and thus proof of the need for a purge.

We're all cheering Debbie on as she fights to hang in there with the cleansing program for the full 30 days.
We believe in you, Debbie!


Note to our readers:

Are these parasites having a cocktail party in your intestines?
















One sure way to find out is to take this simple test:


Figure a.) Attach a strip of double-sided tape to a microscope slide
Figure b.) Dab the slide on to your perineum, or "choad," several times
Figure c.) Touch the slide, and then send it in to the Team Shredder lab for analysis





Tuesday, December 06, 2005

 













































































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