Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Dear Diarhea,
I know it's not constructive to beat oneself up, but it's possible that there are certain things that could be improved upon, without showing hostility or aggression toward the self.
Par example #1): one might think about cutting down on the liquor consumption. Not to give it up completely, because that's just mean and unrealistic, but perhaps a little slow down might be healthy. For a minute.
#2.) A haircut needs to happen very soon. My sense of self-worth hinges on my physical appearance, ok I said it. I mean, not really Diarhea, just kidding.
Everyone around me is super ambitious and productive. What's the big hurry? The other cars are racing me to the red light. Yet I fear and mourn the passing of time. I hate time. I can easily feel like a smiling sham half of the time, if I forget how cool I am as a person.
I sure miss you here in Turkjapistan.
a. we could be going to see George Condo paintings together right this minute except that the show's down.
b. no one has called me a punk-ass nigger for weeks.
c.I'm like a nervous mother with my succulents.(not that I know one single thing about motherhood)
plus. U R NUMERO UNO, now just knock it.
: 9:36 AM How's your numero dos these days, bubbie?
I like the idea of a Nazi ventriloquist a little better. Gree are you in the woods today??
: 7:35 AM I leave for Brazil in two weeks. Why aren't you coming too?
: 9:28 AM p.s. yes, I will try to get back there soon. Have to see my uncle Stanley in Philly. Good to know about yr Brazil trip, now I can literally plan accordingly (as in, not go there when you're not there.) How long will u be away? No pressure.
We live in the material world so hair is very important and the creative force that ruled the universe gave us hair to PLAY with and turn into architectural constructions, no matter how minimal.
You're obsessed with time, who isn't, but have you forgotten everything you learned and aced on yr quantum physics exams that I used to administer to you playfully whilst we shot the tube on Indonesia's 100-ft pipe waves, sir? There IS NO TIME and SPACE. It is illusion. We are but actors on a stage and now we are taking the middle-aged women parts except we all look 25 and this is not delusional, it is a fact in Barbara Hand Clow's world, in which I choose to live as opposed to watching the news. Choosing to change the verld with power of my mind. To use my powers for good not evil. With minor lapses such as stamping my foot so hard when wife asks me to throw away empty containers dotted about the house that I bruise my heel and can't walk for weeks. We all make mistakes that shatter our bodies.
What is up with the dookie? You on a fast? Tense from white shark attack at Solona beach? Don't worry, the Hungry Mother she is long gone, cap'n. What the hell she is going on?
Hi peeds & gree C! The love is real. When can I visit country estate Gree? Cap'n should I surf down to meet you in Phlly? Easy peasy.
But basically the key is to communicate your love to them on a daily basis with song and stroking of leaves. Or needles. Well, okay, not needles. Just a lot of cooing. Are these succubussii upstate or down?
We have a prickly pear cactus that's survives winter every year and then laughs in its face before springing into action like a porcupine on a pogo stick
Orb update. With yr digital cameras go out at night and take pics under treex with flash. Ask the orbs to come play. After a couple pix or even one they will. If not right away just keep going. Something something, and they will come. Report results of experiments to my research website, "I refuse to capitulate to the Nazi Death Machine of America--Protocol for Training Orbs to Vaporize Dark Matter That Walks Among Us and converts it into outdoor discos and singing fireflies? I mean, vaporize with love? That still stings a little bit? Double-blind study (I will have on blindfold and graduate assistant is already blind. So everyone's a winner.
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11 Comments:
this is a beautiful post that I in fact write everyday in my head only minus the excellent pictorial references.
I sure miss you here in Turkjapistan.
a. we could be going to see George Condo paintings together right this minute except that the show's down.
b. no one has called me a punk-ass nigger for weeks.
c.I'm like a nervous mother with my succulents.(not that I know one single thing about motherhood)
plus. U R NUMERO UNO, now just knock it.
By , at
9:36 AM
I'm super dehydrated lately and my #2 's are different in a bad way. I'm light as an anvil and stiff as a board. How are you, Turkjap?
By 
The Capt'n, at
1:07 PM
Oh but wait, I have to run to Homo Depot for a bit, back in a little while. Just call me 50x for the blow by blow.
By The Capt'n, at
1:08 PM
sorry the numero dos has got you down
but not out
By , at
7:32 PM
don't be sad, gree, it's actually a Dutchman, I don't do nazi on Team Shredder. And the empty shell of a person/puppet is ME! Ha ha! Get it?
How's your numero dos these days, bubbie?
By The Capt'n, at
8:00 PM
Capt'n! You are numero 1 and I ain't referring to excretions here.
I like the idea of a Nazi ventriloquist a little better. Gree are you in the woods today??
By , at
7:35 AM
I am missing you too you beeee-atch! You'll be back soon right??
I leave for Brazil in two weeks. Why aren't you coming too?
By , at
9:28 AM
Ah cruel Fate. Oh Miss Fortune. Why would you even think of going to Brazil without me? It's cool, though. Seriously, I'm very excited for you, babe. Is it for vacay?
p.s. yes, I will try to get back there soon. Have to see my uncle Stanley in Philly. Good to know about yr Brazil trip, now I can literally plan accordingly (as in, not go there when you're not there.) How long will u be away? No pressure.
By The Capt'n, at
10:51 AM
What's going on here? I turn my back to two seconds on you bitches and all hell breaks every which way but loose. Cap'n are you in Philly and when. Is Stanley in crisis. I'm a doctor.
We live in the material world so hair is very important and the creative force that ruled the universe gave us hair to PLAY with and turn into architectural constructions, no matter how minimal.
You're obsessed with time, who isn't, but have you forgotten everything you learned and aced on yr quantum physics exams that I used to administer to you playfully whilst we shot the tube on Indonesia's 100-ft pipe waves, sir? There IS NO TIME and SPACE. It is illusion. We are but actors on a stage and now we are taking the middle-aged women parts except we all look 25 and this is not delusional, it is a fact in Barbara Hand Clow's world, in which I choose to live as opposed to watching the news. Choosing to change the verld with power of my mind. To use my powers for good not evil. With minor lapses such as stamping my foot so hard when wife asks me to throw away empty containers dotted about the house that I bruise my heel and can't walk for weeks. We all make mistakes that shatter our bodies.
What is up with the dookie? You on a fast? Tense from white shark attack at Solona beach? Don't worry, the Hungry Mother she is long gone, cap'n. What the hell she is going on?
Hi peeds & gree C! The love is real. When can I visit country estate Gree? Cap'n should I surf down to meet you in Phlly? Easy peasy.
By Laurie Weeks, at
5:45 PM
Gree, how can I help you wth your succubusses? I am an expert. 1. Don't overwater. 2. Watch for weird microscopic verms what such the nectar until plants bursts and keels over.
But basically the key is to communicate your love to them on a daily basis with song and stroking of leaves. Or needles. Well, okay, not needles. Just a lot of cooing. Are these succubussii upstate or down?
We have a prickly pear cactus that's survives winter every year and then laughs in its face before springing into action like a porcupine on a pogo stick
Orb update. With yr digital cameras go out at night and take pics under treex with flash. Ask the orbs to come play. After a couple pix or even one they will. If not right away just keep going. Something something, and they will come. Report results of experiments to my research website, "I refuse to capitulate to the Nazi Death Machine of America--Protocol for Training Orbs to Vaporize Dark Matter That Walks Among Us and converts it into outdoor discos and singing fireflies? I mean, vaporize with love? That still stings a little bit? Double-blind study (I will have on blindfold and graduate assistant is already blind. So everyone's a winner.
By Laurie Weeks, at
5:54 PM
goddammit just lost brilliant post rising to level of John Updike's Lost Poems. Long story short, Gaylord and Peeds is always covered in orbs.
By Laurie Weeks, at
6:01 PM
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