Team Shredder

2011-07-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

2010-11-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

2010-11-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

C is for Chickenroach

2010-10-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

In the Iconoplasty style of the early Christian cave dwellers of South Central Anatolia, the Chickenroach was used to represent the Archangel Lucifer.

Not Enough!

2010-08-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

NOT ENOUGH!
Queer Music and Art Festival

September 18th & 19th

TO SUBMIT OR FOR MORE INFO VISIT:
notenoughpdx.tumblr.com

2010-08-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

RIP Wolfgang, 1999-2010

Coup-Fourré

2010-07-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

In the event that a player holds the corresponding safety at the moment when a hazard is played in his battle area, the player may call "coup-fourré" (a French fencing term for a counter-thrust in which a fencer parries his opponent's thrust and counterattacks in the same maneuver) and immediately play the safety in his own safety area; the safety is placed horizontally (as the Extra Tank is shown in the example). The hazard is removed to the discard pile, revealing the Roll card beneath it. As when any safety is played, the player calling "coup-fourré" draws another card at once and plays again. Play resumes to that player's left, not to that of the one who played the offending hazard; thus any intervening players lose their turns.

Note that because the hazard is removed and not merely corrected by the coup-fourré, a Roll card now shows and distance cards may be played immediately. This is an advantage over playing a safety later (normally), when it merely corrects the hazard and a Roll card is still required in order to move. The exception is the Right of Way card; as soon as it is played (normally or by coup-fourré), the player is considered to be moving (unless he suffers another hazard).

A safety may be played as a coup-fourré only immediately after the offending hazard; as soon as the next player plays or discards, the opportunity is lost.

....Indeed.

Just give in to it

2010-06-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

B is for Boring Problems

2010-06-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

1.) Cable keeps randomly conking out.
2.) Who has money for the cable bill anyway?
3.) Astrology said this was to be my big money month, yet clients keep flaking.
4.) Who drank all of my beer?
5.) How will I pay the rent?
6.) Did my mom favor my brother over me and my gay dad?
7.) The bath tub needs to be snaked.
8.) I'm not enough of a "go getter."
9.) My cell phone bill is higher than I'd hoped.
10.) It's time for a pap smear.

Team Shredder Book of the Entire Century Club

2010-06-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

The Doctor is in.

I command you to get this immediately.

A is for Anxious

2010-04-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

The Mind is a terrible thing.
Getting on planes to leave home makes me nervous. I love arriving but I"m afraid to leave. So many things could go wrong, somebody could die. Something important could be forgotten, collapsing the teetering house of cards of my life. The most likely time for this to happen is while I'm on the plane. The plane could crash, too. Change is bad because it means loss.
Only brother is getting married. Dear friends and family will surround me, brother will be happy. What, then, is my problem?

Which is worse?

2010-03-28T21:33:00.001-07:00

Soprano sax or alto sax?

2010-03-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

Drowning or discovering?

Fuckheads: Portraiture for the Silicon Enlightenment

2010-02-17T15:33:00.000-08:00

Artists haven't been weighted by the responsibility to describe likeness, physical or metaphorical, in portraiture for much of the 20th century and any historical tendencies toward sentimentality that remained in the last century have been thoroughly decimated by the 21st century's anarchy of silicon intelligence. "Fuckheads" celebrates this new, unabridged democracy of images - a re-presentation of identity; linking status, indentification or appearance to a greater global context, whilst also paying homage (affectionately or not) to the individuals represented. Fueled by a deluge of information, the artists in this exhibition further expose the mechanisms of outward appearance and social identity resulting not in static, crystallized renderings, but moving amorphous things orbiting between two points; fact or "real" social identity or "virtual" new, hybrid entities. "Fuckheads" depicts personal or appropriated subjects, made from observations or memory and each of these artists have gained perspective that could only have been bred from the free flow of media that defines us today.

Artists in the exhibition include: John Bankston, Gideon Bok, Lizzie Bonaventura, Heather Cantrell, Geoff Chadsey, Dawn Clements, Alika Cooper, Paula Cronan, Kevin Cristy, Jenny Dubnau, Jen Denike, Frederika Fellini, Wendy Geller, Alexa Gerrity, Colleen Hennesey, James Huang, Whitney Hubbs, David Humphrey, Liz Markus, Kelly McLane, Jared Pankin, Maritza Ranero,
Juliana Snapper, Sandra Scolnik, Mike Slack, James Everett Stanley, Shannon Smith, Fred Stonehouse, Anthony Vitti, Keith Walsh, Eric Yahnker, & Bill Vuksanovich

Capt'n's Log: 1.5 rainbows

2010-01-17T21:21:00.001-08:00

and a pink and blue sunset. Literally and symbolically. 20-30 good waves, 4-5 being mad, and only about 2 had to be shared. Even that was fun, because they were nice people. No choad to be seen, for they were all watching the dumb game. I love football season.

Capt'n's Log: Red and Black

2010-01-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

The swell
was disappointing in that I caught it too late, at high tide. Big yet rolly polly waves as fat and mushy as Tony Baloney after two weeks of debauchery in NY. Getting out of shape happens fast now, but in my animal kingdom of surfing it's mostly mental. I felt an inner weakness somehow, an inability to get with the energy and groove of the big rollers. Hidden Dragon ditched me and was replaced by Weirdly Nervous Gelatinous Blob, which would be fine if I weren't also on my rag. On rag=off balance, plus WNGB, so 99 out of 100 waves were missed.
I broke the rule of never turning my back to the ocean, who knows why, perhaps to look sadly toward the shore, thinking I'd have to paddle in. One never paddles in. One never walks down the hill with toboggan left behind, why would one paddle in? When I turned back around to face the mocking rollers, I got smacked in the face with the crazy red, pictured above. How could I not start laughing?! I'm only a person.
When the red simmered down to a non-distracting level, yet it wasn't too dark, a roller finally let me in. It lumbered along for a while, then hit a shallower spot and reformed to a steeper, faster, shoulder-high semi-mad ride. A right, all the way to the parking lot.

2009-12-16T10:44:00.001-08:00

2009-12-09T23:58:00.001-08:00

"Progress"

Here come the judge

2009-12-02T22:52:00.000-08:00

Captain, there are doubts
regarding your ability
to lead them.
The men, lead them!

-firehose, Brave Captain

Chief Engineer Mike Perry came out with the truth to a Florida newspaper, and the story was picked up by the Associated Press.

*Hold the phone, there's so much more.
As much as I hate fox news, I think it was wise for Perry to go in to the belly of the beast in order to drop the bomb. Thank you, Chief.

Mr. Perry with his photo of the crew of the Maersk Alabama.

...more will be revealed...

2009-10-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

Turn around, bright eyes

2009-10-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Stanley Hymovitz, Sept. 24, 1934-Aug.17, 2009

2009-09-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Somewhere around the age of 13.

Stan was in the leatherhead generation, no face masks. He played center, and went on to play semi-pro in Philadelphia.

In the '60's, in North Phila.

Stan with Aunt Zelda, who he loved more than anyone.

This Party Took a Turn for the Douche

2009-08-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

By Garfunkel and Oates

...c/o Shannon Douche Smith

Douuuche Clup

2009-08-05T01:25:00.001-07:00

"Adult" education

2009-07-18T07:11:00.001-07:00

The selfish little takers are boys this Quarter. Mr. Personality x 3 = me learning to let go. "Being listened to" is so overrated, anyway. One is a narcissist with severe ADD, ("I am a Phoenix,") the other has the veteran's PTSD, the third is kind of sweet and OK/overgrown child type.
The ladies for the most part are self-contained, so far. Only one seems potentially needy. Fortunately for evening glass there looks to be a potential 4 foot swell.
*Note to Angela Dufresne: 3 foot at Rockaway today...? I saw it on the ethernet surf report, which often lies, but...

Buster, The Man

2009-06-23T10:56:00.001-07:00

Rest in peace, dear friend.

Capt'n's Log

2009-06-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Current Log: The Swiss Roll

This month's lady problem is the backlash slasher movie, again. Doesn't happen to me often, but when it does, I'll tell you what. Like dialysis where half of my body weight and life force, in blood, is drained out of my lady hole. Iron pills, red whine, coconut donut= my one shot at living to see my grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Next year in Jerusalem. The other fucking awesome thing I've realized is, peri fucking manopause. That's what's wrong with me. Speaking of backlash. It's not nice, will not be nice for the next 8 years. People will be cut, there will be blood on the walls, and not just squirting from my PUSSYHOLE, either. I'm sorry. All friends and loved ones should dump me now, before the going gets tuff.

2009-06-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

PD, how could you punch me in the face?

Lettuce Alone

2009-06-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

Rosanna Bruno: extraordinary painter of beautiful things, excellent person in general

2009-05-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Rosanna Bruno

New Paintings

May 28th - June 21, 2009

Opening Reception:

Saturday, May 30, 6-8pm

Gallery Hours:

Thursday - Monday: 10:00 - 5:30pm

www.johndavisgallery.com

John Davis Gallery

362 1/2 Warren Street

Hudson, NY 12534

Rosanna Bruno

www.rosannabruno.com

"Kick it Out"
40"x28" oil on linen, 2008

Let us now praise these famous Gentlemen!

2009-04-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

Proud Union brothers, loyal to each other through thick and thin.
Each risking his own life for the lives of the others.

I have a question,

2009-03-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

and that is:

what is wrong with men?

Figure (1) hmmm...

Figure (2) Commando Anus Face

Figure (3) Tender Moments

The Kids of Today are Clearly Alright

2009-03-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Surprise surprise, another great show by Forever, the band that gives us hope for the future.
Sheana's vocals are stronger than ever, and have gotten even more nuanced and expressive. She sounds great. Jen's standout bass lines kick mega butt, son, plus her voice works perfectly with Sheana's in their well written harmony moments. Joel's fast drumming is very precise and disciplined, yet he gives it a free and expressive feeling. Their new addition, Joe, fills out and grounds their sound a whole lot on his hollow body guitar. Clean, bright and strong are the qualities that struck me about Forever's blossomed sound. Everything seems right now. I hereby declare that these talented kids must keep on keeping on.

Capt'n's Log

2009-03-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Imagine my delight when upon meeting the leader of one of my favorite bands, The Aisler's Set, I found out that she was visiting California to surf! I tried not to bombard her with my intense fan energy. Whether or not it worked I cannot say. How does one reconcile shyness with excitement? One probably does not!

We agreed to surf every day. After fiveish days of good waves together at PV cove, I was ultimately amazed by the fact that some people, who are in my opinion among the best pop song writers around, are also naturally gifted at surfing. I think she said she'd only been surfing a year and a half. Whatever, some people just have it like that. They understand impossible things. The rest of us struggle just to keep our heads above water. It's cool. In three years she will be amazing. For 2009, Linton takes the Rookie of the Year Award.

David Nuuhiwa, The Supertones

2009-02-04T18:18:00.001-08:00

2009-02-02T17:40:00.001-08:00

Who let the dogs out

2009-01-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

Urijah Faber, aka "The California Kid," has brought it again, defeating Jens Pulver for the second time last night at the San Diego Sports Arena. This puts his record at 22-2. Okay?

We didn't see how empty our little lives were till last night, when we experienced for the first time the extreme world of live mixed martial arts/cage fighting. Holy smokes. The audience was a sea of choad with scattered strippers and a few rocker moms, ALL OF WHOM went wild when Urijah came out into the arena. We were like whoa, he is completely a superstar in the world of cage fighting. Dick Blu immediately started freaking out with worry over cousin Urijah's safety, but he totally kicked butt like some sort of ninja, and it was all over in under 2 minutes. Turns out the world's sweetest guy in real life is a killer in the cage. At 5'6" and 145 lbs., he may not be large, but he is evidently in charge.

I nearly died of shock when I went out to two events in one weekend, the other one being the Thorns of Life show in Long Beach.

This was my favorite song:

Scared Rabbit

2008-12-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

Literally and metaphorically.

Everyone in the car. Fieldtrip to Salvation Mountain for D. Blue's bday...

2008-12-19T23:39:00.001-08:00

2008-12-09T15:34:00.001-08:00

Geoffrey Chadsey at Jack Shaiman

2008-11-14T05:29:00.001-08:00

Do it, go to this show immediately.

Jam, 2006

Snatch

2008-11-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

I can't stop crying.

2008-11-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

Never in my entire life have I felt any kind of joy or even true belief in our political system. As far back as I can remember, my soul has craved human liberation and awakening. That impossible dream, that great paradigm shift now seems possible. Right now, anything seems possible.

"Shows in different area codes" that I have missed/will miss, sadly.

2008-11-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

Unbreak My Heart at Pluto
starring Rosanna Bruno.
Right now I'm feeling Creamsicle.

Floating Weeds, Angela Dufresne's solo show at Galleria Glance in Turin. My current fave painting of this group is A Tree House for Roky Erickson.

The Greater New York Smudge Cleanse, by Jeanine Oleson. It's been brought.

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club

2008-10-31T21:35:00.001-07:00

STEAL BACK YOUR VOTE!!!
Thank you for this, Greg Palast and Bobby Kennedy, Jr.

World Champs!

2008-10-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Zoe Strauss, whose pictures eased my homesickness.

Jackson 1998-2008

2008-10-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

Long live the Jackson.

2008-10-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

I heart Heart even more now

2008-10-10T14:52:00.001-07:00

This is real. Click on the realness to enlarge and read them reading McChoad.

From A Left Wing

2008-10-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

We love From A Left Wing, Jennifer Doyle's excellent blog about all things soccer and plus.

2008-09-23T10:09:00.001-07:00

HALF WAY TO 88 by SUNDAY 9/21

2008-09-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

The Capt'n's Special Day....
is almost here!
It seemed so far. But now? Its near.
Her Special Day.
Why can't it last?
Her Special Day
...will soon
...be...
past.

plus also

2008-09-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

art camp art camp!

2008-09-04T00:16:00.001-07:00

Rock on Campers! We who remain squirming in this mortal coil of the everywhere else called not-art-camp salute you! How we long to see your muddy knees lined up in front of the couch at night and dream of eating tasey bites of crisps from your exhalted paint-covered fingers in the mornings, of afternoons hiding in the reeds to catch wild turkeys in our teeth.

S is for Soothing

2008-08-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

It's possible that anxiety sometimes occurs. Shuttling dear friend with badly broken wrist to and from hospital could possibly spur an episode. Seeing the disturbing negatives might only make it worse. Thinking of dear friend with no medical or disability insurance, or, now, livelihood might encourage a person to become nervous. Waving goodbye to The Mrs., who is embarking on a 10-day intensive, outdoor teaching gig in the 120 degree desert heat could be upsetting, knowing that before The Mrs. gets home, certain people will have already left to go back to Philadelphia to care for suicidally depressed favorite uncle with multiple, potentially fatal health issues. Even the cats are worrisome. Coyotes circle the house at night, shrieking maniacally. Locking cats in before dark gave a partial sense of security, til the more feral one of the two was recently spotted running after, not from, a coyote. All other good friends nearby are desperately broke and in trouble.

Bandits lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce. Skeletons laugh at me. What trouble waits beyond tomorrow?

Let us think of what is soothing:

Rice.

Mom's old copy of Say it in Yiddish.

The theme song from Room 222.

And when the chips are REALLY down....purring kitty.

Blorkra, a Tragic Figure

2008-08-05T15:27:00.001-07:00

A new Werk is in the Werks, and although it is too early and I do not feel at liberty to speak of it at length, I will say that it has something to do with Blorkra, pictured at right. Blorkra: post-human, all-feeling, vulnerable. Awaiting inevitable attack and possible murder at the hands of The Boat People. Wishing s/he had stayed put in the water, where it is much safer.

RESONATE/OBLITERATE

2008-07-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

(click on image to enlarge)

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club

2008-07-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Harsh tokes all around at Team Shredder HQ. The need for cleaning never ends, only my denial about it.

Today's goals:
1. Get dressed before 11:00 AM
2. Find shorts that don't scrape extreme sunburn on legs
3. Organize kitchen closet, aka "The Cyclone."
4. Deal with bushy bush front yard and existential parking lot back yard
5. Do at least 2 sun salutations and hang upside down on inversion table
6. Human contact

Last Week in Sports

2008-07-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Who the hell cares about the World Cup or the US Open?
What I found to be the most helpful during the tough days with uncle Stan, in no particular order, were:

Venus and Serena at Wimbledon

The voice of Harry Kalas during the daily Phillies games. (We miss you, Ritchie Ashburn.)

Team USA Women's Softball.
We watched several games from their tour, including an exciting victory against Team Canada, and several others against college teams.
In Stanley's analysis, the pitchers rank in this order:

#1: Cat Osterman
#2: Jennie Finch
#3: Monica Abbott

We also very much enjoyed the big hitting of Crystl Bustos.

Our The Cap'n: Lover and Fighter

2008-07-03T13:07:00.001-07:00

Dark days in Philadelphia, PA where our hero literally carries her uncle on her back to seven doctors per day, and also while she makes chopped liver sandwiches to feed to him so he can remember that he wants to live.

2008-06-27T08:01:00.000-07:00

I just have to say, the show was literally amazing.

Five Fathoms Deep My Father Lies

There are about 5 print interviews coming out soon, which I'm very excited about. Much thanks and love to Aksioma and The City of Women.

...
Still recovering from jetlag, struggling with intense heat & humidity, and facing my dear uncle's harsh reality of poor health and deep sadness. I hope I can help him somehow.

2008-06-12T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sea Horse

Sea Dragon

My Major Bro-Down with Angela Dufresne

2008-06-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

That's right, Douche #1 spent a couple weeks here in SoCal on an artist residency, which, I have to say, worked out really well for me.
First and foremost is a toss-up between fishing and her solo show, now up at Kinkead Contemporary. The show looks fabulous. What else can be said? Everybody at the opening had trouble picking their favorite paintings, because they all were so good. Later, Angie was again a big hit at the karaoke after party, singing such classics as Nothing Compares 2 Douche, Douche Look Like a Lady, and All The Young Douche. Even gree c, who literally hates karaoke, seemed to have a good time. Oh yes, gree c flew in for the opening. That's how she roll.
During her residency, Douche painted a beautiful new group of works, including portraits of The Mrs. as Gena Rowlands in Cassavetes' Opening Night, the excellent Coleen Hennessey and her horse, Gypsy, and myself as Charlie Chaplin in somethin' somethin', plus two kickass landscapes, one of which includes a quonset hut, my current favorite architectural structure. Perhaps even more favorite than Lautner's Chemosphere.

But maybe I should go see this place in person before I make my final judgment. P.S. I literally know somebody who had the chance to buy it "for a song" because it's possible that a murder happened there, but you didn't hear that from me, because I don't believe in gossip. Angie was bummed though that the Lautner show at the Hammer was not up yet when she was here. Me too.
Anyway, I hope the nice John Kinkead will have jpegs of her new group of works up soon. Homegirl did many beautiful paintings during her stay in Los Angeles. Whoa Douche, somebody is on fyah, and I'm not talking about the roof!

As if that weren't enough, somehow Douche found time in her busy artistic schedule to go fishing quite a few times. The height of our bro-down was the epic day that Douche and I went fishing and surfing all in one day. It was like Douche heaven on earth, but at sea. And reservoir. I say that because we fished at el Capitan Reservoir, it's worthy to note. And when I say "we" fished I mean "she" fished, while I did Jewish yoga (Oi, my back!) and stared out contemplatively at the scenery:

Fig. (a) Mysterious tower on the water

Fig. (b) Landscape nearby

Fig. (c) Mysterious tower on the road to the reservoir. This seemed significant.

Glaringly, depressingly absent from this photo essay is my cell phone pic of Douche triumphantly holding up her 12" big mouth bass. It was amazing, yup. I wish I could show you, but I am so retarded that I literally cannot get pictures off of my phone until my new plan takes effect in 24-48 hours from this morning, when I changed it. That bass was a beauty, though, for the 5 seconds that she had it out of the water till I freaked out and she threw it back.

From el Capitan we hit the road north to beautiful San Onofre.

It was a strange day for waves, though. Still high and mighty from the 12' big mouth bass and the cute wave that we caught together the day before at Tourmaline, we were a little let down by the weird, shifty peaks at San O. It was like getting thrown a curve ball. The waves would roll in, and as they got close, they would shift and sort of move over and pass us by to the side. I don't entirely blame us--everybody out there was struggling. At San O of all places. The waves were like 4-6 feet, but kind of crossed out because of coming from 2 different directions, and the tide was high enough to make them the kind of mushy that's hard to catch. We really had to be in the exact right spot to catch anything, which meant constant paddling against the current, and many tries. Eventually I figured it out, but Douche may not have had as pleasant of an experience because while she is a master fisherman, she does not get out to the Rockaways as often as she'd like, and anyway when she does, it's usually brutal dumping beach break there, from what I hear. Very unsubtle and non-conducive to longboarding, or life in general. Douchie don't have the luxury of nearby, easy, surfable conditions all year round. Having said that, it is worth noting that she fearlessly charged many overhead waves that day, like a champ. Who dat ninja?

Last, but most significant to me, was the building of my studio/modernist carport in my back yard. Douche was right there with me from the start.

Fig. 1(a) Overwhelming at first

Fig. 1 (b) Two heads are better than one

Fig. 1(c) Maritsa works, Harrison supervises, choad tries to look busy by caressing nearby ladder

Fig 1 (c) gree c saves the day by pulling everything together, as usual, choad stands there looking dumb, Maritsa practices pose for Rigid Tool calendar.

The finished product is an elegant, thrilling, and deceptively simple modernist structure that features a see-through corrugated roof, which will allow for many a poetical musing while gazing up into the lazy, shady canopy of pepper tree above. Pictures of finished product delayed due to cell phone problem, etc., etc.
But in the meantime, rest assured that it would fit right in as the carport to the Eames House.

2008-05-19T21:58:00.001-07:00

I am trying to build a thing of beauty, but I am tired and really only want to surf. I can't really say what's wrong with me. I cannot answer questions.

2008-05-15T22:45:00.001-07:00

Capt'n's Log

2008-04-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Subject: Nothing in Particular

In recent surfing news, The Capt'n's favorite board, The Green Rocket, is once again in the repair shop, this time due to a significant delamination. The price will be hefty but worth it, it is certain. A reasonable person might consider taking better care of their beloved boards. In the meantime, The Capt'n continues to flail about on The Snow Pony.

Speaking of flailing about: yesterday there were two more firsts. The first first was a go on a 14' board. 14 foot I said! Sitting in the lineup, I commented on my neighbor's huge board, and the nice neighbor on it immediately offered to switch boards and let me try. I was nervous and excited, but it was so worth feeling those feelings in order to have an awesome new experience. I usually ride a 9 or 9'2". 5 more feet makes a huge diff, considering 2" makes a diff. NEEDLESS TO SAY, the glide was just unbelievable. I said the ride was so smooth, you must be a limosine. But I simply could not turn the dang thing. Two little waves were enough embarrassment for one day, though I probably should have given myself more of a chance. I give me an A for effort, and a C- for results. Cash value on an awesome new experience: priceless.
The second first was that The aforementioned Capt'n surfed for 6 hours yesterday. 3 usually exhausts me, but the waves were so sweet, glassy, and long, long peeling, how could I resist? I am only but a man, I am not immune. Plus, here were my options: sitting in rush hour traffic on the 5 North between San Diego and Los Angeles, sitting around some dumb cafe waiting out traffic, or waiting out traffic in the long, clean peelers. For once in my life I was not tortured over a decision. At the 3-hour delirium point, a quick stop in a nearby shop for a sandwich to go, in full wetsuit and bare feet, followed by some sips of water, and reapplication of 3 more layers of sunscreen were just the ticket to get me going for another 3 hours.

The mystical healing powers of the dolphins who were gamboling nearby may have had something to do with it, too.

Another first, though not from yesterday:
The Capt'n's first stingray wound.
Seamonkey took a major bullet for the Team several years ago when she was viciously attacked by a stingray. We didn't know anything about anything then, unlike now, and it was quite a horrible experience. Poor Seamonkey69 was rolling on the sand in excruciating pain, and of course we were on an obscure beach, miles from anybody with a remedy. But brave SM69 took it on the chin, and got right back on the Snow Pony as soon as she could. A lesser man would have quit surfing altogether and gone right back to his rubik's cube. But anyway, I was partially tagged the other day. I didn't get the full dose of venom, nor did the tip of the nasty stinger tail break off and lodge itself into my foot, like what happen to poor SM69. Nor did my legs get half bit off by a shark. No rolling on the ground had to happen, no bleeding to death before getting to the beach.

Dear Diarhea,

2008-04-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

I know it's not constructive to beat oneself up, but it's possible that there are certain things that could be improved upon, without showing hostility or aggression toward the self.
Par example #1): one might think about cutting down on the liquor consumption. Not to give it up completely, because that's just mean and unrealistic, but perhaps a little slow down might be healthy. For a minute.

#2.) A haircut needs to happen very soon. My sense of self-worth hinges on my physical appearance, ok I said it. I mean, not really Diarhea, just kidding.

Everyone around me is super ambitious and productive. What's the big hurry? The other cars are racing me to the red light. Yet I fear and mourn the passing of time. I hate time. I can easily feel like a smiling sham half of the time, if I forget how cool I am as a person.

The Death That Existed Inside of Me

2008-04-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

I am not at liberty to copy any poo content from a certain colon cleanse website shown to me by Seamonkey, THE MOST poo-phobic being ever to walk the face of the astral plane, because I noticed in the nick of time that the poo page is protected by Copyscape©, and anyway I do not support plagiarism.
I simply wanted to point out the excellent writing styles of Corey, Virginia, and Ray, who gave testimonials on the poo site.

Team Shredder Dances on the Astral Plane, or What I Did on Spring Break '08

2008-04-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

The proof is here

Figure 1) Team Shredder and friends dancing on the Astral Plane. Note The Orb on the legs of gree c and Peeds.
Figure 1a) Detail of The Orb on dey legs

Seamonkey has done extensive research on this subject, and now others have COPIED her, publishing the results of "their" research in The Orb Project. Basically what Dr. Weeks was 'splainin' to me, in layman's terms that I could understand, was that the orbs in digital photos are actually images of LIVING BEINGS WHO EXIST IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, young missy.
I mean, we knew it all along, a doi, and believe me, we were all feeling the etheric presence of the, as I believe Mountain Man once said, pink bubbles of yes, on that enchanted evening in gree c's studio.
What happen that night was, Mrs. The Capt'n she orchestrated an event that instantly went down (no pun intended) in Lesbian Herstory. Somebody made the leap from experimental opera to astromusicology, uh hm. She done set up a container of water with a hydrophone in it, a baloon, and some tubes what went from the air outside to under the water. Then, after referring to her elaborate score and theory, she directed 8 of us through the rigors of making sound go from our mouths to the water.
I've heard the recording, and I have to say, it sound bootiful. She now making a piece out of it, and will keep us abreast of the updates and final results. A video is coming, too, if I can make sense of the crazypants ADD footage.
In the meantime, other incriminating photos of that fateful night, both during the creation of Juliana's piece and afterward, when everyone literally went buck wild, can be viewed here, here, and here.

2008-03-30T17:20:00.000-07:00

Girl, I'm tired.

Umm-hmm, OKAY?

But I promise a new post is coming soon.

My Massive Feelings

2008-03-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

While Team Shredder floats on clouds of bliss after their recent, triumphant reunion in NY, and until the incriminating pictures arrive and can then be posted, I, personally, will pass the time frittering in the yard, pulling weeds, cooing at Franklin, our adopted stray cat, and reading Laurie Week's latest contribution to Vice Magazine, entitled: MY MASSIVE FEELINGS (FRAGMENTS FROM THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL - PART 2)

2008-03-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

Somebody is very creative at my school.

2008-03-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

I stopped by the main campus to pick up my mail, and noticed that somebody made an excellent mural using the paper cutout technique.
This is (obviously) the most important detail.>>>

We Now Interrupt The Master Narrative To Bring You This Chance To Finally Die Of Love, c/o Sea Monkey

2008-03-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

This just in from Gree C. Hair, whose birthday it also happens to be today:

2008-03-04T16:48:00.000-08:00

"back and better than ever"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREE C!
YOU ARE #1!

Why, indeed.

2008-03-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

Why did Team Shredder disappear?

Hello,


Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so
that
it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger
and
sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for
your
patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.

Sincerely,
The Blogger Team

This was the answer I FINALLY got.

Yeah, no problem. I am a Zen master and this was but a mere reminder of my supreme mastery of detachment.

If I were not a supreme Zen master of detachment and forgiveness I might be tempted to regress into childish behavior.

But no. Instead I will take back the night.

Why?

2008-02-15T23:55:00.000-08:00

Why do I have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work?
Why did I watch these videos?

2008-02-06T09:33:00.001-08:00

What's in the Inbox at Team Shredder Press?

2008-01-30T11:01:00.000-08:00

Dear, MR. Kurtakhhtasdjk;:

I have made a piture of my special intense feelings of a spirituality nature and wondered if you organize could use such an artwork as this for one of a book covers? I can also send you some of my poetical musings on this spiritual natures. Make sure your screen is big enough to appreciate. I can send you a better rendering if you want me to.

I look forward to you saying Yes!

Mr. BuCephalus Chardonnay

Forthcoming on Team Shredder Press:

INTENSITIES

Poetical Musings by BuCephalus Chardonnay

When Doves Cry

2008-01-23T11:08:00.000-08:00

Tragedy has struck Team Shredder. I busted my fin box on my favorite surfboard, The Green Rocket.
I have no one to blame but myself.
I knew better. The tide was very low, and dropping still, yet I took that wave too far in anyway. Over the sand would have been fine, high tide would have been better, but this was in an area covered in rocks. Rocks that are close to the surface at low tide. Rocks that I know all about since this was at my home break.
At least I didn't do what Jay did, which was to jump off his board, land on a rock, and break his foot, all the while knowing better. It's a comfort somehow, which may or may not be disgusting to admit.

Just Because

2008-01-15T12:36:00.000-08:00

Angela Dufresne, The Two Ladies in the Jewelry Store from Fassbinder's 'Veronika Voss' - AKA "The Oath" 2007. Oil on canvas. 54" X 84"

I was happy to view 2 paintings by Angela Dufresne and a drawing by Dawn Clements at Kinkead Contemporary in Los Angeles the other night. Both artists did an excellent job with physical and psychic space: Dawn, with her density and intensity of rhythmic lines, and highly temporal passages from section to section in her large drawing, and Angela with her ghostlike markings, extreme directional color washes, and CinemaScope aspect ratio scale.
Well played, peoples.

More Gaiety

2008-01-13T11:43:00.001-08:00

I thought it was about time I talked about the excellent road trip I went on with The Mrs., gree c and Gandi.
We met up in San Francisco, where gree c, Gandi and I had to have a 5 mile hike on the cliffs and trails at Land's End in SF. We walked so long that darkness fell, giving me a creepy feeling for one second, in the creepy bushes in the wayward man trails, but gree c reassured me that we were ok, using her Romantic photo of the Golden Gate bridge (too Romantic to see the bridge,) as proof of the magic bubble that surrounded us.

Anyway, after a champagne lunch at The Mrs. dad's house on xmas day, we hit the road for Santa Cruz. The chief organizing principle for us there was a visit to the Bonny Doon wine tasting room/log cabin in the redwoods, which was ridiculously fun.
Figure (b): Gandi shows us who's the boss of the planet, (and it ain't the retarded humans.)

Speaking of the retarded humans, here is the choad further down the coast near Big Sur. The Mrs. drove us down the amazing highway 1, a beautiful winding road that clings to the cliffs and offers dramatic views and poignant reflections on The Self and The Life and Death, etc.

I don't have the attention span to give any more details, but rest assured it was beauty beauty beauty all the way down the coast, till we ended up in LA, where Gandi continued to lead us on an OCD tour of Modernist architecture.
Figure (c): The Schindler House! This place is insane. I actually started hyperventilating a little.
Another LA highlight of our tour:
The Eames House!

Again, I can't focus enough to explain about the million other buildings we saw, because I'm distracted by the knowledge that there are big, beautiful waves out there today, and perfect, windless & sunny conditions. The memory of yesterday's mad rides on the overhead waves haunts me, and I can no longer sit still.

"o"

2008-01-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

I got nothin'. Nothin' but donut holes.
Or as Sea Monkey used to say after 20 minutes in the ocean, "I got nothin', G, I'm weak as a kitten."
Many things have happened, few insights have been had, and yet for once in my extremely remarkable life I got nothin' to say about it. Perhaps it's time to switch from Earl Grey to Constant Comment? Or just embrace the coffee more often, have more riding of the snake.
"0."

Rock on with Gandi's cock on

2007-12-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

News Flash! Actual New Post!

2007-12-19T16:57:00.000-08:00

Mr. and Mrs. Seamonkey came to California for an emergency healing seminar with Seamonkey69's former cat, Buddy, who now lives with Harrison in San Diego.
It seems Buddy had to have major surgery on his midsection to repair his torn diaphragm from a previous run in with a coyote.
For some time now, our poor little guy has had to work extra hard to breathe, due to the loss of the boundary between his abdomen and chest cavity. His lil' lungs were crowded by everything but the kitchen sink that crept upward.

Our lil' man is tough as nails, though, and never once complained.
Seamonkey rescued him from the canyons and helped him along for a long time in her lil' apartment down the hall from Mr. and Mrs. The Capt'n, giving him daily gentle shakedowns to make room for his lungs what the Vetrenarian Dr. Candy showed her, and in general providing him with the good and happy life.
Pictured here is Buddy, post op, receivin' the healin' reiki touch from zen master Seamonkey69.

And then more reiki from The Capt'n, while koala looks on approvingly.

Buddy improved dramatically after the healin' touches from the Team. Here we see him relaxing with his newborn leopard what Dr. Harrison delivered via C-section, in between studying for finals.

Anyhoo, after all of the healin' work was done, The Team decided to take a romp down memory lane at our old home break, Tourmaline.

Here The Team performs it's secret handshake.
*Note: Dick Blew on the rocks.

Our boards of choice: The Snow Pony and The Green Rocket.

I'll tell you what, that knee surgery and country livin' have sure paid off. Here we see Seamonkey69 executing an excellent pop up, radically improved and also radically better than The Capt'n's.

To top it off, Seamonkey69 glides along the green wall in an excellent crouched stance, while The Capt'n looks on in shock and awe. This after not surfing for 300 years. How you do dat, Seamonkey? Your Capt'n was majorly impressed and bursting with pride.

Mrs. Seamonkey, author of "Up The Ganges on a Whim and a Ritalin," sorts things out during a poignant walk on the beach.

Seamonkey69, always concerned with what's best for the Team, keeps The Capt'n on a steady diet of raw kelp.
Q: Who in this picture is the bigger jackass?
A: The Capt'n

"YEAH! WE ARE NUMBER TWO!"
Again, bigger dickwad: The Capt'n

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club

2007-12-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

Floater/Dance of the Yeti: A Life of Gree C. Hair in Pictures

Team Shredder Press, 2007
Limited Edition

2007-11-21T08:45:00.001-08:00

Bouche a l'eau.

2007-11-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

That is what Juliana Snapper is calling her singing technique she's invented. Good, right?
Ms. Snapper continues to develop her underwater opera, most recently via a new series of video shoots.
Here are 3 stills from one of the clips I'm editing. Lamby Morreale directed and did camera.

Yad Vashem and The Snappers

2007-10-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

Mrs. The Capt'n's grandparents were posthumously honored at Yad Vashem in Israel the other day, for their heroic participation in Dutch underground resistance-type activities during the war. They risked their lives and the lives of their own 6 children to rescue an entire family plus 2 other people. The craziest part is that they had the mom of the family move in with them for 3 years, pretending to be the housekeeper, and then at one point, 6 nazi soldiers decided to move in, too. So for several months the Snapper family, the Jewish lady, and the soldiers all lived together under one roof. How they pulled this off without being caught and killed is more than my little mind with it's emotions can fathom.
In the picture: Holocaust survivors Truus de Hartog, fourth right, of The Netherlands and her brother Salomon de Hartog of Israel, fifth right, are surrounded by the sons and daughter of Hendrikus and Martha Snapper from The Netherlands who helped save them as children during the Holocaust, as they stand next to the Eternal Flame in the Hall of Remembrance at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem, Thursday, Oct. 25, 2007.
(The names of everyone in the picture are, from left to right: The Mrs.' Uncle Hans, Aunt Jeri, the de Hartogs, her Dad Johan, Uncle Jan, and Uncle Hank. Uncle Kees is no longer with us.)
This event hit the press like wildfire. Here are only some of the articles:

Associated Press:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/I/ISRAEL_HOLOCAUST?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2007-10-25-17-39-55

ABC News:

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=3777685

Yahoo! News:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071025/ap_on_re_mi_ea/israel_holocaust_1

International Herald Tribune:

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/10/25/africa/ME-GEN-Israel-Holocaust.php

Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/25/AR2007102502064.html?tid=informbox

Atlanta Journal & Constitution:

http://www.ajc.com/search/content/shared-gen/ap/Middle_East/Israel_Holocaust.html

Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1107AP_Israel_Holocaust.html

Philadelphia Inquirer:

http://www.philly.com/philly/wires/ap/news/nation_world/20071025_ap_dutchcouplehonoredforhidingjews.html

The links below represent unique additional coverage beyond the AP articles above.

Jerusalem Post:

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1192380656527&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

Israel National News:

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/Flash.aspx/135345

Yeshiva World News:

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/article.php?p=11120

Yad Vashem Press Release:

http://www1.yadvashem.org/about_yad/press_room/press_releases/24.10.07.html

Nicole Eisenman at Susan Vielmetter

2007-10-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

Our beloved Corny is having a show here in LA and we are so excited to see her!
We are wondering: what genius Werks will Mr. Eisenman present this time around?

Oh, and look what I just happened to find on the Susan Vielmetter website

Nicole Eisenman, "Team Shredder", 2006, Oil on panel, triptych, 49" x 39" each

Hello Crazypants, yes

2007-10-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

We finally saw INLAND EMPIRE, and I think I developed tendonitis in my foot from 3 straight hours of tension. It was completely worth it, though.
Here are some of the things we enjoyed about the film:
Laura Dern
Grace Zabriskie
the soundtrack
the visual elements taken directly from Bacon
the Rabbits
the death scene at Hollywood and Sunset
the continuation of many themes and plots from Mulholland Drive, such as:
alternate parallel universes and Perception
Abjection
the power of Crazy Lady
love and things gone terribly wrong
The Actress and the windmills of her mind and her la vida(s) loca
plus Naomi Watts and Laura Harring appearing in the final credits scene was almost too cute to believe. Naomi Watts, who I am still in love with because of Mulholland Drive.

The Fires

2007-10-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

We interrupt our regularly scheduled event of The Capt'n boasting about her latest, maddest ride to say:
Jesus christ, AGAIN with the fires?
It's a really bad scene here in SoCal for many sentient beings. One person dead already, thousands and thousands evacuated, hundreds have lost their houses, and who only knows how many wild animals are either in trouble or have met their unfortunate ends?
It's supposed to get worse in the next couple of days before it gets better.
But we are among the lucky; neither the Los Angeles nor San Diego offices of Team Shredder have lost power, let alone burnt to the fucking ground. We, unlike many others, don't appear to be in harm's way.

Capt'n's Log

2007-10-10T13:55:00.001-07:00

I figured, what better way to celebrate the two-year anniversary of Team Shredder than to glide across the glassy, peeling, big waves at Cardiff Reef?
It was mid-morning, perfect Santa Anna-like conditions, and the crowd was VERY small and nice. The water was clear, and I could see all the way down to the bottom. Lots of cute little fish down there, looking like shiny metal trinkets when the sun caught them just right. All would be calmer and stiller than usual, with the high pressure pressing down on the surface of the water to smooth it out. Then a set would roll in, rising up into beautiful shape rather quickly and dramatically. I fucking love reef.
The only flaw in this otherwise perfect morning was me wishing that the waves would stay up longer sometimes and peel a little further. Because I don't know how to be grateful. But the tide had already hit bottom and was slowly coming back up, and I think the rule of thumb with these reefs is that they prefer when it is coming in and not going out. Will I ever really know. Plus more swell was due in the next day, and we were starting to get little hints of it. Perhaps these two elements were just what we needed, because we started to get bigger sets that were further outside, and thus peeling longer! Madre Mer! The magic of fall is upon us.

Xylor Jane and Nao Bustamante

2007-10-05T19:38:00.001-07:00

Attention people of Los Angeles:

I insist that you go to this opening, since it is guaranteed to be a high quality event. Because I sadly cannot attend, having to be in San Diego with the selfish little takers and high quality waves, I must send the rest of LA in my stead. Is that a word?
Just go! These are two of the great artists of our times.

2007-10-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

2007-09-26T14:29:00.001-07:00

Bon Anniversairrrrre Capitaine!

2007-09-22T07:39:00.001-07:00

(True this news comes a day late for lo the people whos birfday it was not were in the recovery ward from the pre-celebration..they tried to make Dick go to rehab, Dick said nono.. yes, ok fine I'll go.)

Oh Capt'n how we treasure you!
Humanitarian! Poet! Wave-tamer! Fox!
HIP HIP.... HOORAYYYYYY!!!!
HIP HIP... HOORAYYYYYYY!!!
HIP HIP... HOORAYYYYYYY!!!

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club

2007-09-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

Team Shredder Press, 142 pages, 60¢

Seamonkey looks outward, and then inward, while pondering the cycles of life--and death--in this thrilling science fiction/tell-all/coming of age story about a man and her self.

Some excerpts:

Seamonkey: "The Terrible Beauty of 3 monarch chrysallii what we brung in from the fields...
...One hatched the other day and N brought him upstairs on her finger--he was all sleepy and sluggish like me! Then she put him in the zinnias, because I--while blown. the. fuck. away.--still couldn't get outta bed that early. We even saw him SHAKE HIS CATERPILLAR COAT AWAY and reveal the doughy chrysallis inside! Then he becomes red goo inside the C for only 10 days, then he emerges as a butterfly, then he ponces around on my zinnias for a while, then FOR NO REASON he flies down to Mehico avec his confreres and they gather by the billions in trees for the winter!"

"Plus (here are) some crazy etruscan tombs just for fun!"

Seamonkey, Team Philosopher of Team Shredder, once again shows us the way to ourselves.

I was once a cozy pod and then red goo. Soon I must fly 3,000 miles with my friends because we are depressed by the cold and dark.

2007-09-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Aquatic Operas

2007-09-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

Aquatic Operas, in this round consisting of Juliana Snapper and Jeanine Oleson, did a workshop/laboratory first run of their new piece in Palm Springs this summer.
There were about 15-20 of us in the pool, who made up a kind of chorus of individuals, and Juliana, who did her solo but interactive soprano singing. Jeanine circled the perimeter of the pool, guiding and directing everybody through the shapes and sections of the piece. In this excerpt, Juliana is singing through the floating snorkelabra, made by Jeanine, and the rest of us are using regular snorkels.